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Manage the Mean Monday

Part 2: Why Someone with Dementia Says Mean Things

First, it’s important to understand why this hurtful behavior is happening.

Dementia is a brain disease that causes parts of the brain to shrink and lose their function, resulting in cognitive impairment. These different parts control functions like memory, personality, behavior, and speech. Dementia also damages the ability to control impulses, which means actions aren’t intentional. Even though it’s difficult, do your best to remember that they truly don’t intend the mean things they say. These mean comments and hurtful accusations often happen because the person is unable to express what’s actually bothering them. It could be triggered by something in their environment that causes discomfort, pain, fear, anxiety, helplessness, confusion, or frustration.

Working to accept the fact that they’re not doing this on purpose helps reduce stress and makes their behavior easier to manage. The overall strategy is to take a deep breath, remind yourself that it’s not personal, take care of immediate discomfort or fear, and try to find the cause behind the behavior.

Next, look for long-term solutions that will help you get the support and rest you need to keep your cool in challenging situations like these.

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